Where Thoughts Can Breathe
by Lola99
Summary: The Crucible fired, destroying the Reapers, but sending Commander John Shepard into a strange, new world. A world of magic, elves, dwarves…and a handsome stranger who went by the name of Hawke. Rated M for a reason.
1. Of All the Beaches

**So, um, yes. This was inspired by a post on tumblr, and sort of took on a life of it's own. I would apologize, but I honestly had entirely too much fun with it for that.**

**BioWare owns all, I just messed around with it a little. ;-)**

* * *

><p>"What in Andraste's name is that?"<p>

"That is a very good question, Blondie. Was that...magic?"

"Not any magic I've ever seen."

Garrett Hawke ignored his companions as he stared at the object that had just materialized in front of them. It was smoking as he approached it. Maker! Was that…

When the 'object' groaned, he realized that yes, it was a person. Hawke rushed over and knelt down next to...him. It was indeed a man, and one who was very seriously injured.

"Anders! Get over here. This man needs healing!"

Hawke knew basic healing spells, but he was nowhere near as skilled as the ex-Warden. And this man, whoever he was, needed serious help. His armor, which was made of some material he'd never seen before, was practically fused to his skin in places.

He felt Anders kneel down next to him and moved over to give him room.

"Maker! Hawke, this guy is in bad shape. I can stabilize him for now, but I need some supplies from my clinic."

Thinking quickly, Hawke nodded. "Okay, do that. Then Fenris can help me carry him back to my estate, and you can gather your supplies and meet us there."

Anders leaned over the man and Hawke could feel the healing energy radiating off of him. The stranger groaned again, but did not regain consciousness.

Leaning over him, he said, "Hang on, friend. We'll take care of you."

* * *

><p>Shepard opened his eyes and felt a strong sense of deja vu as whiskey-colored eyes looked down on him with concern. Eyes that he hadn't seen since...well, for a long time. Eyes that stirred something deep inside him, something he had thought died on the surface of Virmire.<p>

"Kaidan? Have I died then? Did the Crucible kill me?"

The concern in those beautiful eyes turned to confusion, and that's when he realized that they weren't quite as familiar as he'd first thought.

"I do not know about this 'kaidan' or 'crucible' you speak of, friend. But I assure you, you are not dead. My healer, Anders, worked all through the night, but he assures me that you will recover."

The man's speech was strange, but his face was kind. Shepard found that he trusted him and felt strangely at ease.

"Um...thank you. Where am I? This doesn't look like the Citadel."

As a matter of fact, it didn't look like anything he'd ever seen before. It almost looked..well, it was incredibly old-fashioned. Outdated. He was lying in a large, four-poster bed. The walls were made of what looked like stone, and there were draperies everywhere. A desk sat in the corner of the room, and was that…? It was! Quill and parchment sat on the desk.

"You are in Kirkwall, although I cannot say _how_ you got here. Do you remember nothing?"

"I...no. I destroyed the Reapers, I know that. But then, I don't remember anything."

The man with kind eyes gave him a half smile.

"Your speech is strange, friend. You use words in an unfamiliar way. Where are you from? And, more importantly, what is your name?"

"Shepard. My name is John Shepard. I'm from…"

He trailed off, suddenly unsure how to answer that question. Warm eyes changed from confused to concerned once again.

"Are you okay? Do you remember where you are from?"

Shepard shook his head. "No. I mean, I remember, I just..I guess I'm not sure how to answer that. I grew up on Mindoir, but I've spent most of my adult life aboard Alliance ships."

"Ah. So, you're a sailor? I'm not familiar with the Alliance. Are they a merchant guild? Maybe Isabela would know of them."

Shepard found himself growing concerned. This man had never heard of the Alliance, he spoke of healers and merchant guilds, and used quill and parchment. He almost felt like he had fallen into the pages of one of those fantasy books that Kasumi had lent to him during his time in lockup.

That was ridiculous, of course. Still, something was very strange about the situation he found himself in.

Who was this man in front of him and how in the world had he ended up here-wherever here was?

* * *

><p>When the injured man had opened his eyes, Hawke had forgotten how to breathe for a moment. He had never seen eyes quite that shade of blue. He had, of course, noticed that the man was incredibly attractive. But such thoughts hardly seemed appropriate while he was nursing him back to health, so he quickly shook it off.<p>

Then the man had spoken. His words were strange, but Maker, that voice! It had reverberated through him, and Hawke had to shake off inappropriate thoughts for the second time in as many minutes. What was the matter with him? This man had obviously been through quite a lot, and had assumed he was dead like it was an expected outcome.

They spoke for several minutes. He learned the man's name, but not much else. When Shepard grew quiet, Hawke suddenly remembered something Anders had said the night before.

"_I can't really put my finger on it, Hawke. It's not magic like mine or yours, but there is something about him. It's actually closer to the feeling I get around Fenris, but not quite the same."_

"_I don't see any markings on this man."_

"_Nor do I. But he does have this strange...thing at the base of his skull. I've never seen anything like it before. Everything about this man is very strange. Just...be careful."_

"_Of course."_

Coming back to the present, Hawke looked down at Shepard, saying, "I...have a question for you, but I don't want you to take it the wrong way. So please know that I bear you no ill will, no matter your answer."

"Okay…"

"Are you a mage?"

"Am I a...mage? Did you ask if I was a _mage_?"

Hawke knew he was treading on dangerous ground. It was not wise to just go around admitting to strangers that one was an apostate. Shepard could certainly be one, but not want to admit it. Hawke could make him feel comfortable by admitting that he was one himself, but then he'd be the one taking a huge risk.

Something about this Shepard called to him though, told him that he was trustworthy. He'd taken very few risks with his magic over the years, but he found himself taking one now. Conjuring a simple flame spell, he let it dance above his fingers for a bit before putting it out. When he looked back at Shepard, those beautiful blue eyes were wide with shock.

"How did you do that?"

Ah. Well. Not a mage, then. But, he also didn't seem to be a danger. He didn't look disgusted or afraid. He looked fascinated. Hawke shrugged.

"It's a simple spell. I've been able to do it since I was a child."

"You...magic...where _am_ I?"

"Kirkwall, as I said before. It is in the Free Marches. Have you really never seen magic before?"

Shepard shook his head, and was silent for a bit before he finally said, "I…This is a lot to take in, and I'm suddenly exhausted."

"Of course. You still have a long recovery ahead of you. I will leave so that you can get some rest. There is a bell on the nightstand. If you need anything, ring it, and either myself or Orana will come and assist you."

"Thank you."

"You are very welcome, Shepard."

Hawke left the bedroom, closing the door softly behind him.

Well, this was very curious indeed. Hawke was pretty sure that magic was common enough throughout Thedas, even if it was feared in most places. Where was this strange man from that he had never heard of it?

And how, if not by magic, had he simply appeared from nowhere in front of them?

* * *

><p>They spent the next several weeks slowly getting to know each other as Shepard healed from his injuries. The more that he learned about this 'Thedas', the more confused Shepard became. It seemed that the Crucible had thrown him into another universe when it had fired. Either that or he was lying unconscious in a hospital somewhere, and this was all some sort of coma-induced dream. The latter seemed more likely, but for some reason, he found himself believing the former.<p>

He tried to explain it all to Hawke, and he wasn't sure if the other man believed him or not. Who was he kidding? Hawke had to think that he was a raving lunatic, but he was nice enough to never say it.

A couple weeks after he first woke, Shepard became well enough to leave the estate, and Hawke took him out to meet some of his friends. Aveline was first, and Shepard decided that Ashley would really like her. She was obviously a soldier through-and-through, and protective of her friends.

Anders had been next. He was the healer that Hawke had mentioned, and he was apparently a mage as well. Shepard thought it strange to think he had been healed by magic, but then he wondered what their reaction to medi-gel would be. Anders had seemed nice enough, but there was something off about him, something that Shepard couldn't quite put his finger on. When he'd asked Hawke about it, the other man had simply shaken his head and said it was a long story.

They spent the rest of the day touring around the city and meeting everyone else. There had been Fenris and Merrill, who were both elves (elves!). This strange place was constantly throwing new curveballs at him. There had been Sebastian, who was apparently a man of the cloth. So, Shepard learned a little about their religion. When he'd asked Hawke if he believed in it, he'd shrugged and said that he really didn't know. Apparently, the Chantry didn't treat mages very well.

The last place they had ended up was a tavern called The Hanged Man. There he was introduced to Isabela and Varric. He found that he really liked Isabela, once he got past the whole _pirate_ thing. It didn't seem to have the same stigma here as it did back home. They actually had quite a bit in common, and had both sort of washed up in Kirkwall after having lost their ships. He did have to gently tell her that she was barking up the completely wrong tree when she'd started blatantly hitting on him.

Varric turned out to be the most interesting person he met, though. All of Hawke's friends had been protective of the man, and had treated Shepard with at least a small amount of suspicion. The dwarf (dwarf!) was the most protective of them all, but he was also the one who seemed the most ready to accept Hawke's trust of him.

Over the next week or so, when Hawke was out on some sort of business or another, Shepard would make his way to the Hanged Man, and Varric would tell him the story of the Champion. He found himself amazed at the similarities between Hawke and himself. They had both lost their entire family, although Hawke's losses were more recent.

While Shepard had been fighting Reapers that wanted to 'destroy life to save it', Hawke had been here protecting Kirkwall from these Qunari, who wanted to 'give people freedom by taking away choices'. He had pulled together his little motley crew of warriors, mages and rogues, seeming to be the glue that held them all together.

Shepard found himself feeling more and more drawn to Hawke, the better he got to know him. Other than being absolutely gorgeous, the man was strong and kind. He was a true champion in every sense of the world that Shepard understood. It was a struggle not to be too obvious as he peppered the dwarf with questions.

Varric had also been fascinated by Shepard's own story, taking it all in without batting an eye. He never got the feeling that he was humoring him, although he was certain that he was filing a lot of it away for later, when he was telling stories at the bar.

Shepard didn't mind. It was worth it if it meant getting information on the man who had his emotions in such turmoil.

* * *

><p>Shepard had been there for a little over a month, when Hawke approached him with an idea he'd had. He was in the courtyard with Isabela, practicing with daggers. Shepard had explained something of his 'biotics' to him, and it he'd found it fascinating. They'd talked about it's applications in battle, and Hawke had decided that it seemed to work the best with the way Isabela fought. Shepard had taken quite well to it, even though he still occasionally talked about missing his 'shotgun'. Whatever that was.<p>

Taking advantage of a small break in their sparring, Hawke stepped forward and said, "Shepard, I'm not sure if it would help in any way, but would you like me to take you to the spot where you first...uh, appeared in our world?"

Shepard looked at him in surprise. "Huh, I never thought about it. Like you said, I'm not sure it would help, but...okay. Why not?"

"Oh! Excellent. I, uh...well, it's along the beach actually. I, um...well, I thought we could have Orana pack us a picnic basket, and we could make a day of it."

Hawke obstinately ignored Isabela smirking at him in the background, and instead focused on Shepard's reaction.

There was only a brief hesitation before he smiled and said, "I think that sounds like a great idea. We can be done for today, right Bela?"

"Oh, yes. I have some important business to take care of anyways." As she walked past him, Hawke swore he heard her say under her breath, "Like find a nice bush along the wounded coast to hide in…"

"_Isabela_!"

Her answering laugh slowly faded as she made her way out of the courtyard and into the alleyway. Shaking his head, Hawke turned back to Shepard, trying to ignore the nervousness he suddenly felt.

At least it seemed he wasn't alone as Shepard shifted awkwardly before saying, "So...I, uh. I should go clean up a bit before we leave."

"Yes! I mean, not that you need it, I just...Um, what I meant to say was...that will give me time to talk to Orana about that picnic."

Shepard gave him one of those huge grins that made his stomach do flips and then walked into the house. Hawk followed behind, silently cursing himself for being such a blithering idiot.

* * *

><p>Two hours later, Shepard found himself staring down at the spot in the sand where he had first come into this world. Into <em>Hawke's<em> world. As he'd predicted, there were no answers there. A few places where the sand and fused into glass, but otherwise no clue as to what had brought him there. Looking over at the man standing next to him, he wondered if he even cared anymore.

As if reading his mind, Hawke looked over at him and said, "I guess there's nothing here. I'm sorry. I guess it wasn't such a good idea after all."

"Oh, I don't know. A beautiful day, a long walk along the beach, and a fine picnic. Not such a bad day." Shepard's heart beat a little faster as he reached for Hawke's hand, said a silent prayer that he wasn't completely misreading things, and said, "And I couldn't ask for better company."

The answering smile, and slight blush, set Shepard's mind at ease and emboldened him. Tugging on the hand that was clasped in his own, he brought his other hand up to the back Hawke's head and pulled it closer to his own. He felt the other man's shuddering breath against his lips and smiled.

Shepard wasn't sure who had closed that last, small distance between them. He only knew that he was finally kissing Hawke, and it was a million times better than he'd been imagining since waking up and looking into those whiskey eyes for the first time.

At first it was just lips and teeth. But then there were tongues and hands fisted in hair, and someone let out a breathy moan. Did that come from him? Or Hawke? Didn't matter. Suddenly fingers were fumbling with clothing, and _for fuck's sake_, why were the clothes in this world so goddamned _complicated_?

His growl of frustration caused Hawke to give a breathless chuckle against his mouth. The sound went straight to Shepard's groin. Giving up on all the stupid buckles, he grabbed Hawke's hips and ground them against his own, ridiculously satisfied to feel that the other man was in the exact same state.

Never breaking the kiss, the pair slowly made their way towards the blanket they had spread out on the sand, dropping on top of it in a pile of tangled limbs. Shepard rolled Hawke onto his back, moving his lips down his neck, nipping and licking and kissing and absolutely _loving_ the feeling of the other man squirming beneath him. He moved his hand down and grasped Hawke's erection over the top of his robes.

"Shepard! Maker!"

He chuckled and continued to move down, lifting Hawke's robes and freeing his cock from his small clothes. Shepard muttered his own praise at the sight. A drop of pre-cum beaded on the tip. Bringing his head down, he licked it off and then licked him once more, from base to tip, before taking him completely in his mouth. There was another groan, and then Hawke's fingers were wrapped in his hair, urging him along while his hips thrust upwards.

This had been building for so long, he knew neither of them would last long. With one hand Shepard reached down, fumbling to try and free himself from his own leather breeches. Hawke realized what he was doing and pulled Shepard up, kissing him full on the mouth, while smoothly unlacing him. His erection sprang free, and Hawke wrapped his hand around them both.

Their hips moved at a frenzied pace, kisses repeatedly interrupted by gasps and moans. As he'd predicted, it didn't take long before they were both tensing. There was an electricity in the air from the combination of his losing a small amount of control of his biotics, and Hawke letting loose with a tiny bit of magical energy. It made their climaxes so intense that they bordered almost on violent.

Hawke came first, alternating cries of "Shepard" and "Maker" pouring from his lips. A few thrusts later, and Shepard joined him, his own cries of "Fuck" and "Hawke" sounding much less refined. He rolled over onto his back, trying to catch his breath.

After a moment, he felt Hawke shift next to him, rolling onto his side and placing a soft kiss on his neck. Shepard wrapped an around him, pulling him in closer and bringing a hand up to run fingers through his hair.

"Shepard, that was…"

"Intense, powerful, utterly _amazing_?"

"Yes."

Shepard smiled and then placed a gentle kiss on Hawke's forehead. Turning his head slightly he looked once more at the place where he had been thrust into this strange world.

"You know, Hawke, of all the beaches, in all the possible universes, I have to say that I'm incredibly glad that I turned up on this one."

"As am I, Shepard. As am I."


	2. Where I Want to Be

It was getting dark when he and Shepard finally made their way back into Kirkwall from the Wounded Coast. Hawke had completely lost track of time as they had sat together on the blanket, watching the waves roll in. It had been nice and calm and perfect, and he'd been reluctant to leave it behind. He knew that there was only trouble waiting for him at home.

He had gotten rid of the Qunari, but the bigger and more worrisome threat still remained: Meredith. And with the void that had been left after the death of the Viscount, her power in the city had only increased. She and Orsino had been coming to blows more and more often, and usually in public. The entire city was on edge, and he was their Champion. They were looking to him to be able to find a solution.

Or be the solution. Several people were suggesting him as the new Viscount. It would never happen, of course. Even though he had beaten the Arishok and removed the Qunari threat from their city, many people still viewed him as a foreigner. He was also a mage, and even if Meredith were somehow out of the picture, these people feared mages, and they would never allow one to lead them for long.

"You okay?"  
>Shepard's concerned voice brought him out of his thoughts. He smiled and took the other man's hand in his own to squeeze it briefly.<p>

"Just a lot on my mind. And I find myself wishing we could have stayed out there on that beach, and I could ignore all of the problems waiting for me at home."

"I understand that feeling."

"I imagine you do. Although, to be honest, I feel like my problems are really rather small to the ones you had to face."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that. Sure the Reapers were trying to destroy the entire galaxy, but-"

Shepard never got to finish he'd been saying as a group of Guardsmen Pretenders stepped from the shadows on all sides of them. Hawke dropped the picnic basket to the ground and slowly reached back for his staff. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shepard reach for his daggers. They may have been on a date, but everyone knew you didn't walk around Kirkwall unarmed.

"Oi, it's the Champion!"

"Shut up. No, it's not."

Hawke stepped forward, hand still on his staff. He felt Shepard shift behind him, keeping an eye on his back.

"Oh, but I am. And I suggest that you leave Hightown now, while you still have your lives."

"I don't care who you are. There's two of you, and a dozen of us. We have armor, you don't. I feel good about our chances."

Hawke grinned. "Then you're an idiot."

He through a fireball at the group to their right, and then quickly turned and followed up with a cone of ice towards his front. As he turned again, he caught a brief glimpse of Shepard disappear in a flash of blue and then reappear in the middle of the group to their left. He watched in fascination as Shepard jumped up and slammed into the ground, dispelling the blue energy that had surrounded him in a wave that knocked the three attackers to the ground. Shepard then immediately rolled to his feet and with three quick movements, slit their throats before they could even make their way back to their feet.

Hawke was spellbound. He'd never seen anything like it. Sure, he'd watched Isabela and Shepard sparring in the courtyard, and the other man had given him small demonstrations of what his _biotics_ were capable of. But he'd never seen anything quite like this. The way the man moved with confidence and artistry, it was clear that he was comfortable in battle. It was...arousing.

"Hawke! Watch out!"

Shepard's shout shook him from his wayward thinking. Without even turning around, Hawke conjured up a mind blast and threw the three attackers who had been sneaking up behind him to the ground. While they were down, Shepard moved in with his daggers to finish them, leaving six attackers left. Hawke and Shepard fell into a rhythm, and it didn't take long before only one of their attackers remained.

Shepard held the man from behind, one of his daggers pressed to his neck, as Hawke stepped towards him and said, "Where is your base of operations?"

"You think I'm stupid?"

"That remains to be seen. You and your friends have been plaguing the streets of Hightown for months now, and I've reached the end of my patience." Hawke took another step, his face barely an inch from the thugs as he continued, "So, I'll ask you again. _Where is your base_?"

The man swallowed hard before finally caving and giving them directions towards an estate on the other side of Hightown. As Hawke nodded to let Shepard know to release him, he gave the man one last warning.

"I never want to see your face again. Is that clear?"

"Y-yes. Of course, Champion."

Hawke smirked as the man took off, stumbling over himself in his haste to get away from them.

"Well. That was actually quite fun. I don't imagine these poor chaps thought so, but-"

He never got a chance to finish what he was saying as Shepard grabbed the front of his robes, pulled him in close, and covered his mouth in a searing kiss. At first Hawke was too stunned to do anything, but once he'd recovered his wits, he smirked and pushed Shepard up against a nearby wall. Pressing up against him, he lowered his head to scrape his teeth along the side of Shepard's neck.

He traced a trail with his tongue down to his collarbone and then back up to his ear, where he stopped to softly say, "I see I wasn't the only one affected by that...performance."

Shepard squirmed and gasped underneath him. "Mmm...seeing you with your...hng...magic..ah, Hawke!"

Hawke chuckled against Shepard's throat, and gave his rapidly hardening cock another squeeze through his breeches, causing the other man to groan.

"For fuck's sake, Hawke. You need to stop right now, or I'm not going to be able to!"

"I believe _you_ started this, Shepard."

"You're right. And it's time I regained the upper hand."

Hawke barely had time to register what he'd said before Shepard kicked out a leg and literally swept him off of his feet, holding onto him so that he didn't fall to the ground too hard.

Shepard straddled him and pinned his arms to the ground, then leaned in and practically growled as he said, "Now, Hawke. Are you going to behave, or am I going to have to _fuck_ you right here in the street?"

He emphasized his point by grinding his bottom against Hawke's erection, and the Champion couldn't stop the loud groan that escaped his lips.

He managed to regain his composure enough to say, "As incredibly tempting as it is to stay exactly as we are, I'm afraid I have a reputation to uphold. But, uh, let's not waste any time getting back to my estate, shall we?"

Shepard laughed and made his way to his feet. As he helped Hawke up, he said, "I like the way you think, _Champion._"

They left in such a rush that they completely forgot about the picnic basket that was still sitting in the middle of the square. And they were so focused on each other, that they never noticed the pirate who was hiding in the shadows.

Not even as she stepped out with a grin on her flushed face and made her way over to recover the basket.

* * *

><p>"Welcome back, Messere Hawke. How was your trip to the coast?"<p>

Shepard had been so focused on making his way straight to Hawke's bedroom that he jumped at Bodahn's voice.

It appeared that Hawk was in the same state as he exclaimed, "Maker! I, uh...it was very pleasant, Bodahn, thank you. We're just going to, uh, retire for the night."

"Very well, Messere. Have a pleasant evening."

Shepard could have sworn he saw a twinkle in the dwarf's eye as he bowed and excused himself. He and Hawke stood still until he disappeared out the side door, and then they exchanged a look and raced towards the stairs.

They were removing clothes before the door was even shut behind them. Shoving and kissing and grabbing and grinding alternated with pieces of clothing flying through the air. Before long they were standing before each other, wearing nothing but their small clothes and gasping for air.

At that moment, the mood changed. The adrenaline from the fight had started to wear off, and they were simply left with their desire for one another. The fight for dominance slowly gave way to tenderness, and it was gentle hands that removed the remaining barriers between them.

Hawke grabbed his hand and led him towards the bed, stopping at the foot and cupping Shepard's face in his hands. His lips were soft and when Shepard flicked his tongue, he tasted honey mixed with the hint of salt that came from living near a constant ocean breeze. When he brought his fingers up to tangle in Hawke's hair, he marveled at it's softness compared to the course feeling of his beard on his face.

These were all things he hadn't taken the time to notice before. On the beach, they'd been rushed, eager to finally act on feelings they'd both had for some time. And on the street, they'd been running purely on the post-battle adrenaline. Now he found himself wanting to take his time and learn everything he could about his new lover.

Lover. The word bounced around in Shepard's head several times before he finally decided that he liked it. It had been a long time since he had even considered...this. There had been a brief moment on the SR-1, before Virmire. After Virmire, he'd decided that getting close to anyone was a bad idea for him. It only took getting tossed into an alternate universe to change his mind.

Hawke broke off the kiss and pulled back slightly, looking at him questioningly. "Is there something wrong, Shepard?"

Shepard didn't hesitate. With a huge grin, he gently pushed Hawk back onto the bed and climbed in next to him.

"For the first time in a long time, absolutely _nothing_ is wrong."

He reached over and pulled Hawke closer, capturing his lips with his own. He took his time, exploring his mouth before moving down. His mouth slowly traveled over the entire length of Hawke's body, suckling, licking, and nipping. He discovered that the Champion was extremely ticklish just under his kneecaps, and that his right nipple was slightly more sensitive than his left. He also discovered that the man had little tolerance for teasing when he kissed along his hip bones.

Hawke cursed and flipped them both over so he was now on top. Shepard slowly lost his mind as Hawke returned the favor, finding that scar along his ribs that made him buck and squirm when touched, along with every other sensitive spot on his body.

He showed his lack of patience when he made his way down and swirled his tongue around the tip of Shepard's cock once, twice, before taking his entire length in his mouth. Shepard curled his fingers into the other man's hair as he moved so achingly slow, keeping him right on the edge, but never bringing him over.

Shepard couldn't take it anymore. "Hawke! I need...uh, fuck!"

With a chuckle, Hawke released him and looked up. "I need that too. Do you..uh..would you…"

Shepard reached down and pulled Hawke up to kiss him softly before saying, "I want you inside me."

Hawke smiled. "Okay. I,um..I have some salve in the drawer."

He moved to the side, reached into the drawer on the nightstand, and came back with a small jar. Shepard watched through heavy-lidded eyes, his heart racing, as Hawke took some of the salve and rubbed it in his palms to warm it. When he reached down to carefully insert one finger, he captured Shepard's gasp in a kiss.

Hawke took his time, slowly working in one, two, and then three fingers, placing distracting kisses on Shepard's lips, along his jaw, and across his collarbone. Shepard was beyond ready when Hawke finally rubbed the remaining salve along his cock and then slowly pressed himself inside.

"Maker, Shepard! You feel amazing."

After taking a moment for them both to adjust, Hawke started moving. Shepard found himself enthralled by the expression on Hawke's face and the look in his eyes as he worked himself in and out, shifting just so and finding a spot that left Shepard utterly speechless.

He was completely lost, overwhelmed by sensation and..._emotions_. Where had the emotions come from? Shepard decided it didn't matter. He hadn't felt like this in so long. Christ, he wasn't sure he'd felt like this _ever_.

It was that realization that brought him to the edge, and he barely managed to call out a warning before he was coming. Hawke pumped in and out a few more times before he, too tumbled over the edge. Shepard felt him pumping inside him before he let out a rough breath, pulled out, and dropped next to him.

After taking a moment to catch their breath, they carefully cleaned each other up and crawled under the covers. Shepard curled into Hawke's side, one hand running through his hair and the other flung around his waist to casually trace lines along his abdomen.

He was just drifting off to sleep, when he heard Hawke whisper, "Shepard?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay? I mean, I know you might not have a choice, but if you did, if we found some way...would you want to go back?"

He didn't hesitate.

"No. I'm exactly where I want to be."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Yes, I changed the name of this fic when I added this chapter. Honestly, I'm not sure what happened. This was supposed to just be one silly little M!Hawke/M!Shepard crossover ficlet. Then it turned into two. Now it seems it's becoming an entire silly story of it's own, with more and more characters becoming involved.**

**Please don't take this too seriously. I know my logic probably doesn't make much sense, but it's really just supposed to be fun. I'm not sure how much there will be to this or how often I'll be updating, but there is at least one more chapter planned for now. **

**The title was taken from the lyrics to "Parallel Universe" by Red Hot Chili Peppers.**

**BioWare owns all, I'm just messing with it.**

* * *

><p>He and Shepard were tangled up with the covers and each other when a sound from the window roused Hawke up the next morning. He was still in the process of waking up when a familiar voice caused his eyes to open with a start.<p>

"You two sure look like you had a fun night!"

"How in Andraste's name did you get in here, Isabela?"

"Through the window of course. Silly question, Hawke."

He felt Shepard start to stir next to him. They other man slowly opened his eyes and then looked over towards the window. He looked slightly less perturbed.

"Oh, hey Bela. What's with the picnic basket?"

The pirate winked. "See, Hawke? That was a better question."

Hawek rubbed his face and sighed. "Fine. What's with…"

He trailed off as he realized that the picnic basket looked familiar. And then he remembered the fight in the square from the night before.

"Oh, Maker," He mumbled to himself. Out loud, he said, "Isabela, exactly how long were you outside the window before you decided to come in?"

Isabela's grin did nothing to set his mind at ease as she said, "Now _that_ was the best question of all."

Hawke never got an answer to his question as his bedroom was once again invaded by one of his companions.

"Hawke! Hawke! Where is Shepard?"

Both men, and Isabela, turned in surprise as Anders came crashing through the door and then stopped short once he took in the scene in the room.

"Oh. I...I'm sorry. I probably should have knocked."

Hawke sighed. "Why? No one else does."

When he stared pointedly at Isabela, she just laughed and winked. There were a few moments of awkward silence before Shepard finally cleared his throat.

"You were looking for me, Anders?"

"Ah, yes! The armor that you were wearing when you first appeared? I have been studying it because it is unlike anything I've ever seen before. And...well...it just started _talking_ to me."

"Talking to you? What did it say?"

"It seems to be asking for you."

"Where is it? I need to see it."

"I thought you might say that, so I brought it with me. It's down in the study."

Shepard started to move to get up, but Hawke stopped him with a and on his elbow. Then he turned to look at Isabela and then Anders.

"Will you two kindly give us a moment? Perhaps wait in the study with the, um...talking armor?"

Once they had both finally left and they were once again alone, Hawke turned to Shepard.

"Is it your own world trying to contact you?"

"I don't know. I guess that it must be. Somehow."

Shepard looked so excited, and Hawke's heart fell slightly. He looked down at the blanket, picking at a loose thread.

"Ah."

"Hey." Shepard spoke softly and reached a hand to cup Hawke's cheek, forcing him to meet his eyes. "I meant what I said last night, you know. Without a doubt. But if there is a way to at least talk with some of my friends back home, I would like to do that."

His spirit lifted, Hawke pulled Shepard down and kissed him tenderly before saying, "Well then, let's go see what your _armor_ has to say, shall we?"

* * *

><p>As Shepard made his way towards the study, he heard Isabela and Anders talking inside.<p>

"I don't hear anything. Have you finally gone completely off your rocker, Anders?"

"It's not _constant_. It seems to be doing it at regular intervals. I know patience isn't your strong suit, Isabela, but just give it a moment."

"Oh I can be patient, Anders. With the proper motivation, that is."

Though he couldn't see his face, Shepard could practically hear the eye-roll in Anders' reply. "I'm sure."

"Commander Shepard, can you read me? Come in, Commander Shepard."

"Ooooh, it _does_ talk! And it has a sexy voice. You didn't say that it had a sexy voice, Anders."

"See, now these are the moments that I'm absolutely certain that this is all some crazy dream. That sounds exactly like something Samantha would say. And then she would proceed to tell me everything she wanted to do to the voice."

Isabela turned with a grin as Shepard walked into the study, with Hawke close behind.

"And who is Samantha? I like her already."

Shepard winked at her and said, "Samantha was the Comm Specialist aboard my ship, and the owner of that voice you like so much."

"So can we talk to her?"

"Yeah, I think so. If we can receive a message from her, then we should be able to send one back."

Shepard walked over to his armor and started poking at it. "Usually, there's just a button I'd push, but this armor is pretty mangled. I'm not the best with tech, but maybe I can fumble with…" He trailed off, continuing to poke around for a few minutes before he finally said, "Ah-ha! There we go. Sam? Sam are you still there? It's Shepard."

"Commander?"

"Yes! How the hell are you talking to me right now? Do you know where I am?"

"We have a vague idea of where you are. EDI and I analyzed data from the Crucilble after it fired, and concluded that you had been sent into a parallel universe. We had no way of knowing if you were okay, though. It's good to hear your voice."

"It's good to hear yours too, Sweetness."

Shepard looked over his shoulder in surprise as Isabela practically purred next to him, and then back to the armor as Sam said, "Um, right. Who was that?"

"Comm Specialist Samantha Traynor, meet Captain Isabela, pirate queen of the Eastern Seas."

Isabela's rich laugh spread throughout the room. "Oh, Shepard is being far too kind. I'm not much of a captain without a ship. But I am glad to make your acquaintance, _Samantha_."

"Um, right. Yes. I-I mean, so am I. Pleased to meet you, that is."

Even though Shepard couldn't see her, he knew that Samantha was blushing furiously on the other end of the comm.

"Right, Sam. You didn't answer my question. How are we talking across parallel universes right now?"

"Come on, Commander. You do know who you are talking to, right? Between EDI and myself, this was child's play."

"Oooh, feisty. I'm beginning to like her more and more."

"You're beginning to grow on me yourself, _Captain_."

_Oh for heaven's sake_, Shepard thought to himself as Sam's voice dropped on the last word. Outloud, he said, "Should I leave you two alone?"

"Oh, would you?"

He narrowed his eyes at Isabela as Sam said, "Right, sorry. Anyways, Commander, it seems that we might be able to, in time, recreate the energy burst that sent you there. I'm, uh, not sure exactly how helpful that would be since it would only be one-way."

"Yeah Sam, this world is not anywhere near as advanced as ours technologically, so I doubt we'd be able to do anything on this end. But to be honest, I'm not very concerned about it. I'm actually quite happy here."

"I wonder…" Samantha trailed off, and he could hear her speaking in the background before she came back. "I wonder if we might be able to send a QEC unit over to you, and then we'd at least be able to talk face-to-face. If you wanted, of course."

Isabela perked up next to him. "Are you telling me that there is a way I'd be able to see this sweet thing when I talk to her? Make it happen, Shepard."

He laughed and said, "You heard the woman, Sam."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Okay, before you read the next few chapters, just remember that I told you not to take any of this seriously, lol.**_

_**That being said, this isn't the most exciting of chapters, it's mostly just getting everyone together. But things should get plenty interesting after this.**_

_**Okay. BioWare owns all, I'm just messing with it in a way that makes me happy.**_

* * *

><p>Samantha and EDI needed several weeks to recreate the energy burst that had sent Shepard into another universe. In the meantime, he had conversations with various members of his former crew. He was happy to learn that the Crucible had worked, and so had all of the precautions and preparations his crew had made beforehand. The Reapers were gone, and most other technology in the galaxy was able to be repaired.<p>

The major things, like the relays, the geth, and EDI, were repaired within a matter of weeks. Other things would take time. But from what they told him, it sounded the all the work he'd done to unite everyone wasn't forgotten the minute the Reapers were gone, and all of the races continued to work together to rebuild. Shepard was enough of a realist to know that it wouldn't stay that way forever, but he hoped that at least some of the changes would be permanent.

Shepard was amused to find that Isabela visited more often, and spent more time in the study than she did practicing dueling with him. He mercilessly teased Samantha about it and the first time, she was completely flustered.

The second time, she surprised him.

"Well Shepard, what can I say? She tells the most _interesting_ stories."

The way she said it left him feeling slightly uneasy as he said, "Oh yeah?"

Her giggle didn't set his mind at ease. "Oh yes. My favorite was about the time she came upon the tail end of a fight in...Hightown, I think she said. Anyway, a couple of strong, capable men had taken care of a group of bandits and seemed to be feeling some post-battle...euphoria an-"

"Okay, Sam. I get the point. I'll drop it."

Samantha only laughed in response. Shepard could feel his face heating as he simultaneously said a silent thanks that he was alone and filed a mental reminder to have words with Isabela later.

Changing the subject, he asked, "So how is the research coming?"

"Actually, we are almost ready to run a test. The only problem we have is that we'll be doing this from the Normandy, and we have no idea what a change in our location will mean on your end. Whatever we send could come out on the other side of the word-or another planet for all we know. We're going to try and get as close as we can to your original location, but to be honest, we don't know exactly where you were when the beam went off."

He rubbed the back of his neck as he considered what she'd said. "Yeah, neither do I. So what's the plan then? How will we know if it came over if I don't know where to look for it?"

"Does your omni-tool still work?"

"Yes. Not that I've had much opportunity to use it here."

"I'd imagine not. Nothing for it to connect to. Huh. I wonder if…."

She trailed off, seemingly talking to herself. Shepard cleared his throat.

"Uh, Sam?"

"Oh! Yes. The plan is to send something over with a transponder that you can hopefully track via your omni-tool."

"Sounds good. When?"

"Tomorrow work for you?"

* * *

><p>The next day Samantha stood in the Normandy's shuttle bay, double and triple checking all of the numbers that she and EDI had run.<p>

"The calculations are correct, Specialist Traynor. I have rerun them multiple times, coming to the same conclusion every time."

"Sorry, EDI. Nervous habit."

"I just stated that our calculations are accurate. What is there to be nervous about?"

Oh, how she wished she had EDI's certainty. They'd set up a barrier in the shuttle bay to contain the energy so that it didn't destroy the ship. Her first concern was that it wouldn't be enough. Her second concern was that this wouldn't work at all, that whatever had sent Shepard into another universe was a fluke that could not be recreated.

But she was not able to explain to anyone, especially herself, why it was so important to her that they be able to do that. So for now, she simply shook her head.

"Nothing, EDI. You're right. Shall we run the test?"

For all of the work that they'd put into this project, the test itself was rather anticlimactic. They put the transponder in the test area, stepped out, and pushed a button. There was a flash of energy and then the transponder was gone.

"Well. It did _something_," Samantha mumbled to herself. Out loud and into the comm, she said, "Commander? If everything worked as planned, you should be picking up the signal any time now."

"Okay...let me just...okay, got it. Huh."

"What is it?"

"Well, if I'm reading this right, it's in Kirkwall somewhere. Hawke? Come look at this. What do you think? Lowtown?"

Sam heard the other man's voice sound in her ear. "Um...what am I looking at exactly?"

"It's like a map. It doesn't have any data on Kirkwall, so it's not very detailed but it still should give us a good idea. See, this shows you the direction it's in, and approximately how far away it is."

"Well, then if I'm understanding it correctly, I'd say yes. Lowtown."

"All right. Sam? We'll go check it out and let you know what we find."

"Sounds good."

While she waited to hear from them, Sam and EDI got to work on setting up the QEC they would be sending through once they received confirmation that the test was a success. They weren't certain that it would work if the particles were actually in separate universes, but everyone had decided that it was worth a shot.

She'd also come to a decision, and had a couple of other things to get together before there next go. Leaving EDI to finish up with the QEC, Samantha headed towards her locker.

* * *

><p>"So how does that work again?"<p>

Shepard looked up to find Hawke looking curiously at the omni-tool display on his arm.

"Well, the box that Sam sent over is giving off a signal, energy, that this thing can pick up on. We're lucky it ended up so close, because it's getting a pretty clear read on it. The farther away it is, the weaker that signal becomes as the energy dissipates. The close we get, the stronger it is."

"Huh. Interesting."

"I can't imagine what it would be like to try and understand how technology works if you haven't been around it your whole life."

Hawke smirked at him. "Maybe something like trying to understand magic?"

Shepard laughed. "Good point." He looked down at the display again. "Well, what do you know?"

"What?"

"It seems to be taking us to the Alienage."

And it did, in fact, lead them to the Alienage. More precisely, straight to Merrill's house. What were the odds? They shared a look before Hawke reached up to knock on the door. There was a shout from inside, followed by a series of muffled thumps, and then the door opened to a breathless and wide-eyed Merrill.

"Oh, Hawke! Thank the Creators you're here! You won't believe what just happened."

As they followed her into the house, Shepard said, "Let me guess. A strange box just appeared from nowhere?"

She whirled around to face him, tripping over her own feet in the process. Shepard reached out to catch her, and she looked up.

"How did you know?"

"Because my friends sent it."

Merrill righted herself and gave him a solemn look. "Shepard, you say that you've never seen magic before, but I think you just have a different name for it."

"It's not quite…" Shepard started to argue, but then reconsidered. "Maybe you have a point, Merrill."

"You don't have to sound so surprised."

He laughed. "I'm sorry, Merrill. I just hadn't considered it that way, is all. But now both you and Hawke have said something similar." He paused and looked around the room. "So where is the box?"

"Over here."

She led them into the next room where the small box sat almost perfectly in the center of the room.

"Is that where it came through? Have you touched it at all?"

"No, I was afraid to. I've just sort of stared at it for a bit. Until you knocked on the door and scared the pants off me."

"Right. Sorry about that."

Hawke spoke up from the doorway. "So what do we do with it?"

"Nothing. This was just the test. Next they'll try to send a device through that will allow us to see each other when we talk."

Merrill's pointed look didn't need a reply.

* * *

><p>The next day Hawke and Shepard were back at Merrill's house, only this time they had brought his communicator with. They knew where the QEC unit was going to come through this time, so they were prepared.<p>

"Okay, Sam. We're all ready on this end."

"Roger, Commander. Let me just…" Her voice trailed off. When she finally came back on the line it had a strange undertone to it. "Okay, ready EDI? In ten, nine, eight, seven, si-James! What do you think you're doing? Get out of-"

She cut out mid-sentence, and the sudden silence was eerie.

"Sam?"

It was EDI's synthesized voice that finally answered.

"Specialist Traynor is no longer here, Commander. Neither is Lieutenant Vega."

"What do you mean, EDI? Where are they?"

"I imagine you will be seeing them both shortly."

As if on cue, there was a flash of light and suddenly Shepard was looking down at two unconscious but familiar forms. Hawke looked at him with wide eyes, then at them, then he turned to Merrill.

"Get Anders!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Um...yeah. This chapter started out silly but then took a turn. The whole story is turning into a thing with actual PLOT. I have no explanation. This is just what happens when I write-I lose all control over the characters.**

**Don't get me wrong. It's still absolutely ridiculous, and once I get through this little angsty moment, I want to get back to the silly fun (and YES that means Isabela/Sam shenanigans because I NEED THEM).**

**Anyways, thanks so much for all the comments/follows. This was just little thing I did for fun, and I just love that other people are enjoying it too. 3**

**No beta, so I'm to blame for EVERYTHING.**

**BioWare owns all, I'm just messing with it in a way that makes me happy.**

* * *

><p>As James came into consciousness, he could feel a cold floor beneath him and it only highlighted the aches and pains he felt everywhere. His entire body felt like a bruise, similar to they way he felt after sparring with Shepard.<p>

Shepard. His eyes flew open, as his memory of what happened came rushing 'd wanted to try and send Shepard's space hamster to him. The commander loved that little guy, and was certain he'd want to have him..wherever he was. When he'd gone down to the shuttle bay, Traynor had been in the chamber so he'd assumed it was safe. Then she'd looked up at him and screamed for him to get out. The last thing he remembered was a bright flash.

And now he was _not _looking at the ceiling of the shuttle bay. In fact, he was not looking at anything even remotely resembling any part of the Normandy. And there was an angel looking down at him with a concerned expression. She had the most beautiful markings on her face. James wasn't sure what compelled him to do it, but he found himself lifting his hand and tracing them with his finger. Her concern turned to shock but she didn't move, instead speaking softly.

"Are you okay?"

Her voice broke the spell he was under and he hastily withdrew his hand.

"Um...I feel like I've been run over by a Mako but I think I'm alive. What happened? Where am I?"

"My bedroom," she stated simply, as if it was perfectly normal. "What's a mako?"

"Um..."

"Vega?"

Shepard's face suddenly appeared over him as the woman who'd been there slipped away.

"Shepard? What the hell are you…" It suddenly dawned on him where he must be. "How did I get here?"

"That'd be my fault I'm afraid." James turned to see Sam sitting on the floor just a few feet away from him. She narrowed her eyes at him before continuing, "Although I don't know what you were doing in a closed testing area."

"_You_ were in there. I thought it was safe."

"Yes. Well…about that. I'm...sort of...here on purpose."

"You're _what now_? Did Commander Williams know that you were going to do that?"

Sam shook her head. "No. I only told EDI and she swore to keep it a secret. But no one else was supposed to be there! It was my choice for me to go. I'm so sorry you got pulled into it."

There were a million thoughts running through James' head, but the first and foremost was, "So, there's no way to go back."

Her expression was grim as she said, "I'm afraid not. I'm so sorry, James."

"Right...okay...I...wow. I don't even know what to say."

"It will be okay, you know." The mysterious woman was back, her face appearing behind Shepard's shoulder. "I had to leave my home and everything I knew behind, but Hawke and everyone else have been so nice. They'll take care of you."

"Um...thank you. I...don't know your name."

"I'm Merrill. What's your name?"

"James."

"It's very nice to meet you, James."

And then she smiled and all the thoughts that had been in his head flew out, replaced by only one: She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

* * *

><p>After getting James and Samantha settled into Hawke's guest room, Shepard made his way into the library to talk to the other man.<p>

"Well. I'm sorry that my universe keeps imposing on your hospitality like this."

Hawke looked up from his book and smiled. "It's not a problem. Are they going to be all right?"

Shepard settled into the chair next to Hawke's before replying.

"Physically, Anders said they'll be fine. They just had a shock to the system with the energy that brought them here, but he said they should be feeling normal after some rest."

"And other than physically?"

"Sam will be fine. She wanted to come here. James...I do feel bad for him, but I think he'll adjust."

Hawke flashed a grin and said, "I think Merrill might help."

"Noticed that too, did you? I've never seen him quite like that. He didn't even try to flirt with her once." Hawke raised a brow and Shepard shrugged. "It's what he usually does."

"Ah. A bit like our Isabela, then?"

"Exactly. Speaking of…"

Laughing, Hawke said, "Yes, I imagine we should expect a visit from her shortly. News travels fast in Kirkwall."

"Excuse me, Messere Hawke?"

They both looked up to see Bodahn standing at the top of the stairs, an envelop in his hands.

"Yes, Bodahn?"

"This letter was just delivered. Would you like it now or shall I put it on your desk?"

"Who is it from?"

"It appears to be from...your brother, Messere."

Shepard was certain he'd misheard that. He turned towards Hawke and watched the color drain from his face.

"I have no brother. You can toss it in the fire for all I care, Bodahn. Excuse me."

And with that he got up and walked out of the library. A few moments later, Shepard heard the front door slam. He turned in confusion to the dwarf.

"I thought...he'd said he'd lost his entire family. I mean, I heard the specifics of how his father, his sister, and even his mother died, but nothing about his brother. But I guess I assumed that 'lost' meant the same thing for all them."

Bodahn looked sad as he said, "It's not really my place to say, and I didn't really know him before it happened, but I believe Messere Hawke feels that his brother betrayed him when he joined the Templars."

"I see. Thank you, Bodahn."

The dwarf simply gave a slight bow, and turned to leave the library. Shepard followed close behind, and was just in time to see Bodahn slip the envelope onto Hawke's desk. Taking a moment to grab his cloak and daggers, Shepard made his way to the front door.

He wasn't going after Hawke. He knew the man needed time alone. But Shepard wanted answers, and he knew just where to get them.

* * *

><p>"There's not a lot to say, Shepard. Junior was uncomfortable living under Hawke's shadow, and it was obvious to everyone except Hawke himself." Varric shrugged. "Mostly because he never saw his brother as anything other than an equal. But that's not to say that Junior didn't have a reason to feel the way he did. Both his siblings were mages. His father was a mage. It was natural for him to feel like an outsider."<p>

"I suppose that makes sense. But why join the Templars? Why become the one thing that had hunted his family all of those years. Does he _hate_ Hawke?"

Varric shook his head. "No. I don't think so. I think it was just the one thing he could do that Hawke couldn't. The one place that he could be completely free to find his own path, his own success. Honestly, I think if he'd taken the time to explain that to Hawke, he might have understood."

"He didn't?"

"I think he tried to, at first. But it was right after we came back from the Deep Roads and none of us were at our best then." Varric's expression hardened and his eyes flashed briefly. "One more perceived betrayal was a little too much. But, I think if he'd given Hawke a little time and tried again...well." He shrugged. "What do I know?"

"Hmm. Thank you, Varric."

"Anytime."

Shepard got up to leave, and was almost to the door when Varric spoke again.

"Shepard?"

Turning his head, he said, "Yeah?"

"Give him time but...not too much. Things are getting bad around here, I can feel this all coming to a head sooner rather than later. If he's still at odds with his brother when it does, he'll come to regret it later. Don't let that happen."

Shepard considered for a moment before simply nodding at Varric and turning to leave. He made his way back to High Town and let himself in through the front door. Bodahn was waiting for him in the entry.

"Messere Shepard, thank the Ancestors you're back."

"Why, what's happened?"

"Messere Hawk returned about a half hour ago. He was very upset and he took the letter into his bedroom and shut himself in. He, uh...it sounded like he was throwing things. He won't let me in. Maybe you can talk to him?"

Shepard didn't even answer, walking quickly to the stairs and ascending them two at a time. He ignored the questioning glances from both Traynor and Vega, instead heading straight towards Hawke's bedroom and knocking softly on the door.

"Hawke? It's Shepard. Can I come in?"

He couldn't hear anything from inside. After a minute with no response, he tried again.

"Garrett? Please?"

Hawke still didn't say anything, but Shepard heard the lock on the door click, and he carefully made his way into the room. He ignored the items strewn about the room, instead focusing on the man standing in the center.

Hawke looked utterly defeated. His eyes were rimmed in red and it was obvious that he'd been crying. Shepard immediately went to him, bringing up a hand to the side of his face. The other man closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, so Shepard pulled him in closer, allowing him to rest his head on his shoulder and enveloping him in his arms.

Hawke mumbled into Shepard's shirt, "I just wanted to protect them."

"I know."

"I failed."

"You did what you could."

"It wasn't enough."

Shepard understood that feeling more than he wanted to, so he simply repeated, "I know."

The stood like that in complete silence for several minutes before Hawke abruptly pulled away and walked over to his desk, picking up the letter that sat on top of it and handing it to Shepard. As Hawke sank into the chair and laid his head on the desk, Shepard began to read.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry this took so long and it's relatively short. RL drama to deal with. :-/ But, we do have a little bit of Isabela in this chapter, so yay!**

**Thanks again for the comments and such! I seriously love that other people are enjoying this silly little adventure! 3**

**No beta, so I'm to blame for EVERYTHING.**

**BioWare owns all, I'm just messing with it in a way that makes me happy.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Brother,<em>

_I don't even know where to start. I'm sorry doesn't seem quite right. I am sorry, but maybe not for the things you think I should be. _

_I'm sorry that I hurt you in my struggle to find my own path. Of that, I am certain. I am not sorry that I joined the Templars. Of that, I am also certain._

_I am sorry that I haven't tried to reach out to you before now. I mean, I did. Once. And when you didn't reply, I left it alone. I should have tried harder to make you understand. I didn't join the Templars just to spite you, even though I can see that my actions might make you think that I did. I joined the Templars for a couple of other reasons. _

_The first was that I knew it was a place where I would truly be on my own, free to become my own man without your influence, protection...or shadow. And you do cast a rather large shadow, Brother. I've come to realize that you don't do it on purpose, that it is just a part of who you are. The protector. You've felt responsible for our family since Father died. In the process of doing what you saw as your duty, you became larger than life. _

_The second reason I joined the Templars was that I truly felt, and still do feel, that I can help you from here. For instance, I can tell you that Meredith is not pleased with what she perceives as you taking Orsino's side in their recent disagreements. From what I've heard you have, as ever, tried to be diplomatic rather than take sides. But that's not how she sees it. And you need to be careful._

_Meredith is...unstable. I'm not sure what happened, but recently she's been quite paranoid. She also seems to truly believe that she should be running this city, and I'm not sure how much your status as Champion can protect you if she decides that you are a threat. I know that you can take care of yourself. But if she brings the entirety of the Templar force in Kirkwall against you, even the great Champion couldn't stand against her._

_I want you to know that if that does happen, I will be at your side. Whether you care for it or not, my sword is yours._

_To be honest, I spent some time __after Mother_ _after what happened with Mother thinking that I could never forgive you. But then I realized that you were probably thinking the same thing about yourself. And that's when I stopped pretending that it was your fault. You are just usually able to pull of things that would be impossible for most other people so in those few times that you couldn't, it felt like a monumental failure. That's how I saw it, and I know that's how you saw it. How you probably still see it. _

_But what happened to Mother, what happened to Bethany...neither of those things were your fault. They were just horrible things that happened. I know that now. Maybe someday you'll realize that as well._

_I hope that you can forgive me for being such a stubborn ass. While I still don't think I've always been wrong, I can now see that I may have handled my frustration wrong. I came across as a petulant child, which was the exact opposite of what I was trying to do._

_I don't think it's safe to send letter to and from my barracks. If you decide that you can forgive me and wish to talk with me, I will be at the spot we found the Warden documents and strange potion several years ago. Tomorrow. At midnight._

_I hope to see you._

_~Carver_

* * *

><p>Isabela had heard an interesting rumor and she needed to find out if it was true. Hawke or Shepard would have been the best people to ask, but she had seen Shepard leave Varric's room and the expression on his face had stopped her from going after him.<p>

Since she couldn't go straight to the source, she'd check with the one person who knew everything that happened in this city.

"Rivaini."

She hated it when he did that. He hadn't even looked up from his papers. She was supposed to be stealthy, but she'd never quite figured out how to sneak up on Varric.

"Why was Shepard here?"

"Hawke's having Carver issues."

"Ah. So...not a good time to pay a visit."

This finally made Varric look up. He grinned. "Heard the rumors, did you?"

"I might have. Are they true?"

"Daisy says they are."

"And she's at Hawke's estate?"

"Yep."

"Balls."

"You know, I think Shepard will be busy with Hawke for a while. And their new guests might feel a little left out."

"Oooh, so I should go entertain-wait. Guests? As in more than one?"

"Yep. Two as a matter of fact. You should take them to visit Daisy. I think she took a shine to the big guy."

"Big guy? Varric, you do know how to tease a girl."

"That's what Bianca tells me."

* * *

><p>Shepard finished reading the letter and laid it on the desk next to Hawke's head. The other man didn't move as Shepard squatted next to him, bringing himself to eye level. He slowly reached out with his hand and casually began running his fingers through Hawke's hair. He'd learned relatively quickly that this had a calming effect on him.<p>

After several minutes, he spoke softly. "Would you like me to come with you?"

Hawk lifted his head and met Shepard's eyes. "You just assume that I will go?"

Shepard shrugged. "You wouldn't be hurting like this if you were just angry. You feel guilty."

"I do. But I'm also still angry. And I don't know if that's fair."

"Well, what are you angry about?"

"I'm angry that he didn't just tell me years ago how he felt! I'm angry that all this time was wasted over something so...something that could have been so easily fixed."

"Did he really not tell you? Or did you just not understand?"

Shepard was not surprised by the flash of anger in the other man's eyes.

"He didn't tell me! He just...he…"

When Hawke trailed off, Shepard continued, "I think the truth is that you're angry because he understands you better than you understand him at this point."

"And what do you even know about it?"

Shepard didn't react to the harsh tone of Hawke's voice. Instead, he calmly replied, "Nothing. I've never met your brother, and I've only just got to know you. But I do know about regret, more than I'd like to. I think you know how much you'll regret it if you don't go. If you don't at least try to mend the rift."

Hawke continued to glare at Shepard silently for several minutes before the anger faded all at once from his eyes, and he spoke softly.

"Yes. I would like you to come with me."

* * *

><p>Samantha sat in Hawke's guest bedroom, along with James, feeling perfectly awkward. It was obvious that something was going on with their host, something that neither she nor James had any business in. They knew no one here except Shepard, but he was busy taking care of Hawke.<p>

"I really am sorry, James."

"I know, Sam. You've already told me about fifty times."

"Sorry."

She winced as he shot her an exasperated look and just barely stopped herself from saying 'sorry' for a third time. When a knock sounded on the door a moment later, she breathed an audible sigh of relief.

Before she could even get up to open it, the door flew open and a woman in a short, white...dress...shirt...thing waltzed into the room and sat herself down on the end of the bed. Sam didn't need an introduction.

"Isabela, I presume?"

"That's right, Sweetness. And that must make you Samantha. It's a pleasure."

The way she purred the last word had James clearing his throat and shifting next to Sam. "I, ah...should I leave?"

Isabela smiled. "The more the merrier, I always say. Anyway, we're going for a walk. And you're coming too, big guy. Leave Shepard and Hawke to deal with their...domestic issues, and we'll go have fun."

James raised a brow. "I'm not sure I'm up for your brand of fun."

Isabela laughed and Sam could only shake her head. She'd spoken with the pirate enough by now to know that James hadn't realized what he's just left himself open for.

Sure enough, Isabela stood and sauntered over to him, running her finger down his chest as she said, "I know ways to cure that, friend."

While James sputtered, she continued, "That's not what I had in mind for tonight, though. We're going to the Hanged Man."

"The what now?"

"The pub." Isabella started walking towards the door, obviously expecting them to follow behind. When James didn't move, she called over her shoulder, "Merrill will be there."

Both women were laughing as he hurried to catch up.


End file.
